The Museum of Almost-InventionsEst. MMXXIV · Curated Permanently
    TUESDAY— last —VOLKOV · MMXXIV
    Cat. MAI–010 · Plate I
    MMXXIV · Temporal Misadventures

    A Monograph In Seven Plates

    The Mediocre Time Machine

    — travels exclusively to last Tuesday

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    Plate II

    Abstract

    The Mediocre Time Machine (Cat. MAI–010) represents a notable refinement of the chronological arts: where its predecessors aspired to grandeur (the Cretaceous, the Restoration, the heat death of the universe), the present device confines itself to a single destination — last Tuesday, local time¹⁶. The unit's reliability is, within this narrow remit, exemplary: in 1,144 documented operations, no journey has yet failed to arrive at last Tuesday, though several have arrived shortly after lunch.

    Citations
    1. 1.Volkov, M. On the Modesty of Temporal Devices. Annals of Reluctant Mechanics, Vol. XV (2024), pp. 102–138.
    2. 2.Wells, H. G. — politely ignored.
    3. 3.Volkov, M. A Brief History of Last Tuesday. St Petersburg, 2024.

    Plate III

    Animated Blueprint

    Hover the gold markers to reveal annotations. Lines self-inscribe upon entry to the gallery.

    Plate III · Technical Diagram
    Scale 1 : 1.618

    Plate IV

    Patent Documentation

    Reproduction of the original USPTO filing, with examiner's flourish preserved in oxblood ink.

    PATENT

    United States Patent Office

    US 12,118,557 B1

    Office
    Seal

    Inventor

    Mikhail Volkov

    Filed

    Jan. 09, 2023

    Granted

    Sep. 24, 2024

    Classification

    Temporal Misadventures

    Abstract

    A chronological apparatus of limited but consistent ambition.

    Claims

    1. 01.A temporal translation apparatus configured to displace a single human occupant from a present temporal coordinate to a target coordinate corresponding to the most recent occurrence of Tuesday in the local time zone.
    2. 02.The apparatus of claim 1, wherein no other temporal coordinate is selectable, accessible, or contemplated.
    3. 03.The apparatus of claim 1, further comprising a Modesty Governor operative to prevent inadvertent excursion to more historically distinguished epochs.
    4. 04.The apparatus of claim 1, wherein arrival precision is guaranteed only to within ± 6 hours of the target Tuesday.

    Examiner's Endorsement

    Hon. C. Ravensbrook, USPTO

    Folio · MAI–010

    Plate V

    Demonstration Reel

    Salvaged from the inventor's archive; restored at 24 frames per second by the Conservator's Office.

    REC · 24 fps · MAI Reel No. 001
    00:00:00:22
    4

    Plate VI

    Technical Specifications

    Destination rangeLast Tuesday only
    Arrival precision± 6 hours
    Documented operations1,144 (no failures)
    Chronon capacity7 days, refills Wednesdays
    Lever materialKnurled brass
    Operational temperamentModest → Reliably Modest

    Plate VII

    Critical Reception

    I have visited last Tuesday eleven times. The post arrives, on each occasion, at 11:14.

    Dr. Mikhail Volkov

    Atelier Volkov, St Petersburg

    A triumph of restraint. The first time machine that has known its place.

    Prof. Lavinia Marsh

    Chair of Modest Sciences, Univ. of Edinburgh

    I attend, weekly, a lunch I had previously missed. It is always cold, but always there.

    Mr. Augustus Fenn

    Subscriber, Vol. XI

    End of Monograph

    Colophon

    This monograph was set in Cormorant Garamond and JetBrains Mono and printed on bone-toned stock by the Curatorial Trust, MMXXIV.

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