Folio I · A Permanent Exhibition · Est. MMXXIV
The Museum of Almost-|
Within these halls reside the artefacts of misjudged ingenuity — inventions which, owing to certain irreconcilable disagreements between their inventors and the laws of physics, taste, or polite society, were almost, but never quite, brought into being. Each is presented here with the dignity it perhaps does not deserve.
— The Curatorial Trust
The Self-Aware Umbrella
— develops opinions about your destination
Gallery I — Permanent Display
Currently on Exhibit
Domestic Hubris
The Self-Aware Umbrella
— develops opinions about your destination
Civic Appliances
The Democratic Toaster
— each slice requires a quorum vote
Spectral Goods
Perfume for Ghosts
— eau de parfum for the post-corporeal
Domestic Hubris
The Apologetic Doorbell
— rings, then immediately regrets it
Domestic Hubris
Sentient Cutlery Set
— forks that judge your portion sizes
Sensory Misfires
The Procrastinating Alarm Clock
— rings 'soon'
Sensory Misfires
Existential Bathroom Scale
— returns weight in philosophical units
Domestic Hubris
The Nostalgic Refrigerator
— preserves only memories of food
Sensory Misfires
Reverse Binoculars
— for examining things uncomfortably close
Temporal Misadventures
The Mediocre Time Machine
— travels exclusively to last Tuesday
A Statement of Purpose
"Not all that is conceived ought to be."
— Inscribed above the West Portico
The Museum of Almost-Inventions exists to preserve the dignity of ideas which ought to have remained ideas.
Each artefact in our collection has been authenticated by the Bureau of Reluctant Implements, accompanied by a faithful patent, a working blueprint, and where possible, a demonstration reel salvaged from the inventor's private archive. Visitors are reminded that the objects herein are theoretical, but the citations are not.¹
¹ All references appear in the Journal of Improbable Domestic Engineering, Vols. XLIV–XLVII, available upon written request to the Curator's Office.
About the Museum Curator
Martin vanDeursen
Amsterdam, Netherlands